We all know the amazing strength, faith and attitude that Metisha had through her cancer battle. Her strength was inspiring. I think a lot of strength came from the rock in her life who hasn’t received nearly enough of deserved attention on this blog. So today I am declaring it Mark Welsh day on the blog and I know he will hate every word that I am about to write :)
Mark and Metisha’s first dance was in junior high. They started dating in high school where he was the football quarterback and she was a basketball star. They continued to date on off through college and in 2000 were married on a beach in Jamaica.
In 2007 when Metisha was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer, Mark became her rock. He was her steady, her calm, her constant, her consistency. He was and is amazing. He never stopped loving her. He experienced more heartache than we will never know and is the only one who endured watching Metisha slowly fade away every day. When it was time to stand true to the vow, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health”, he did not falter. He loved her through all of the sickness and the worse. Leaving to him was never an option and never a thought that entered his mind. Mark is a man of commitment and he never wavered from his commitment to Metisha. Even when he was breaking on the inside, externally he was her rock. While the rest of us were emotional and would fall apart, Mark was her steady and that was in God’s perfect design.
When Mark first came around I was a snotty, hormonal junior high girl and the beginning of our relationship was a bit rocky. Suddenly the only flavor of Kool-Aid in the fridge was HIS favorite flavor. Lasagna was made WITHOUT cottage cheese. And I had to SHARE my birthday with him. But worse of all was that my big sister wanted to spend time with him, not me! You can see that my choice to despise this change in family dynamics was completely justified and he should have been more considerate to my feelings :) But I matured and realized he probably wasn’t going anywhere so I better get used to it! We finally had a bonding experience on a spring break ski trip. It seems that my ankles do not bend to normal angles so every morning he had to wrestle my ski boots on. And when I say wrestle, I mean wrestle! I would have to sit on the ground with a foot in the air while he would twist, push and grunt until the boot finally gave way. The process was always followed by him telling me if I took my boots off I was done skiing for the day. Oddly, Mark’s doesn't expressed an interest to go skiing with me again …
Watching Mark unconditionally love my sister, especially at the end of her life, was beautiful, heartbreaking, changed me and inspired me. He didn’t have to say anything about how much he loved her because his heart was completely visible through his actions in those final days. He loved her, was a Godly husband and fulfilled every word of their marriage vows with honor and integrity. I will always love Mark and he will always be my brother and my daughter’s Uncle Mark.
Mark, thank you for loving her and for loving us (even when we were emotional). I know you don’t like gooey emotions and big accolades and you’re going to be ticked at me for writing this but I don’t care because I love you :)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Joy Will Come
It’s been 99 days since Metisha went to heaven. 99 days. And 101 days since we’ve been able to talk to her. It feels like it’s already been a lifetime, but the then reality is we still have a lifetime of separation to face.
So today, and really for the last two weeks, my heart is hurting a lot again. I miss her voice. I miss her laughter. I miss the way she would get excited about things. I miss the way her spirit would fill the entire room when she entered. I just miss her.
But there are two promises that God has given us that I am holding on to with white knuckles and not letting go of. The first is there is eternal life and Metisha has that and I will too because we chose to accept a gift which we do not deserve. The second is that joy will come again. Joy WILL come again. This is an important promise for me because I have feared that without Metisha our family will never again have joy. I remember sitting at my kitchen table with my Dad last winter and we were talking about Metisha’s declining health and what the worst case scenario would be. I remember telling him with tears streaming down my face that I was most afraid that regardless of whether Metisha lived or died, we would never experience joy again. We would either be constantly battling fear of cancer or forever devastated by her death. Where and how could joy fit into either one? Dad told me we will have joy. It will take time but there will be more joy than sadness. I didn’t believe him. My heart was full of anger and fear and just could not absorb the possibility.
But when we needed it most, God gave Dad tangible proof to backup his statement. Just 6 days before Metisha died, Dad was out walking at the family farm and came across a single page out of Bible lying in the dirt, dropped there after a tornado went through the area. It was Psalm 29, 30 and 31 and on the page was Psalm 30:5 which says, “weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning.” Joy comes in the morning. We know God sent this scripture for us and was telling us this promise is for us. So now I believe my Dad, am holding on fervently to this promise. I don’t know how long the night will last. I don’t know how dark the night will get. But weeping will turn to joy.
After Dad got back to town he posted his story on Facebook. And in a string of comments to Dad’s story on Facebook is this:
Metisha Ewbank Welsh So cool Dad!!! I love you!
May 31 at 7:13pm
Danny Ewbank Love you more than u know!
May 31 at 8:44pm
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Just My Heart of the Day
Grief is a sneaky thing. You have a run of good days, maybe even weeks, then something small comes along and that heavy pain in your heart is all consuming again. It's a process. It's a part of life. And even though my pain and loss are unique to me, everyone knows grief.
But I keep living and moving forward because if I do any less, Metisha will kick my butt when I get to heaven :) And I keep thanking God that because of his plan, there is a heaven, Metisha is now experiencimg pure joy beyond my comprehension, and I will have that same joy and be with her again someday.
But I keep living and moving forward because if I do any less, Metisha will kick my butt when I get to heaven :) And I keep thanking God that because of his plan, there is a heaven, Metisha is now experiencimg pure joy beyond my comprehension, and I will have that same joy and be with her again someday.
That’s just my thought heart today …
Friday, August 19, 2011
Inked
In my last post I promised a story about tattoos and decided today was a good day to share!
During Metisha’s battle, she decided to get “Believe” tattooed on the side of her left foot as a visible reminder to keeping believing for a miracle.
I remember she called me that evening and told me what she had done. I wasn’t surprised, she had talked about getting a tattoo since she was in college but the parentals were always adamantly against it. So when she told me, I was sworn to not tell Mom and Dad. That still makes me laugh that even as adults I got the big sister “don’t you dare tell” threat! Of course the next time we were together Mom saw the tattoo and was less than impressed. But she did show restraint from lecturing her adult child!
When we left the parlor, I told Mom when she dies I will not be honoring her with a tattoo because that hurt! And I say that as someone who has given birth with a failed epidural and back labor! But despite the pain, we laughed more in those short hours than we had in the last 6 weeks. It felt good to laugh. It felt healing to laugh. And we feel connected. I hope Metisha got look down on us and laugh with us! Over a month later, I have no regrets and am glad Mom and I both had the thought to do something we swore we would never do! And I'm glad to have a reminder to continue to believe, despite the heart breaks of this world.
The next morning my Dad told me he decided that when Mom dies, he’s going to have her leg cut off and taken to a taxidermy and a lampshade put on top of it. Then when my daughter asks if she can have a tattoo dad can tell her, “Look, Nanner got a tattoo and now she doesn’t have a leg to stand on!”. I love my family and our sense of humor! That statement still makes me laugh!
When we were done I said I would never do that again. I should learn to never say never because I will be doing that again. No, I’m not getting another tattoo, but I need some touch up work done on the bottom of my Believe. And my Mom thinks that’s pretty funny …
During Metisha’s battle, she decided to get “Believe” tattooed on the side of her left foot as a visible reminder to keeping believing for a miracle.
Fast forward to this July. I have never been a big fan of tattoos either. No judgment, it was just a little too permanent for me and I always wondered how it would look to be an eighty year old grandma with “ink”. But after Metisha died, I randomly had the thought that I wanted to get the same tattoo as a way to stay connected to her. But I’m a type A, boring, responsible, analytical person so I decided I would think about it for a few months just to be sure it wasn’t the grief talking.
That next weekend we were all together in Fort Worth and were heading to dinner. Mark asked what we wanted to do after dinner and Mom said, “I was thinking about getting a tattoo!” We all laughed and made fun of her, certain she wasn’t serious (she has a family reputation of making big statements with no action). But she loudly and repeatedly declared she was serious because she wanted the same tattoo as Metisha as a way to stay connected to her. What?!? That statement caught my attention and when I revealed I had the same thought, Mom was even more decided. So I said I would do it if she did, feeling sure she would back out and we would have more time to think about it. The men of the family at this point were still very skeptical and making fun of Mom.
So we had a nice dinner and ice cream and loaded back up in the car. Mark asked Mom if we were going home and she said, “Nope, we’re going to the tattoo parlor!” At this point it was 8:30 pm, and the whole family, including my one year old daughter whose bedtime as an hour earlier, headed to the tattoo parlor. Yes, I had a baby, in a tattoo parlor! I’m sure our suburban family looked completely normal at the tattoo parlor, right? Mom and I told them what we wanted (getting very skeptical and annoyed looks) when we were suddenly thrown a curve ball (or I was thrown a life vest): we needed our IDs which neither of us had. So the whole family loaded back up in the family SUV, buckled the one year old in her car seat and headed home. Good, Mom and I would have more time to make sure this is what we wanted to do before making a permanent decision!
While I was putting my daughter to bed, my husband came in and said Mom was ready to go. I asked, “Go where?” His reply, “Back to the tattoo parlor!” My thought, “You have got to be kidding me! This is a bad idea! She is going to regret this!” But I could not be out-cooled by my mother, so at 10:30 pm on a Friday night, the men went to bed and Mom and I drove back to the tattoo parlor, this time with our IDs.
To be sure I was not the only leaving with ink, I made Mom go first :) She showed no pain and we joked about what Fairviewites would think of her with a tattoo. After about 20 minutes (she swears it was longer) Mom’s was done and it was my turn. She looked at me and said it hurts, a lot. I laughed, sure she was just trying to scare me. I sat down and he started to on the bottom part. OUCH! That did hurt, a lot. But everyone says it goes numb so I figured no problem, a few minutes and it won’t be so bad. WRONG! The closer to the top of my foot he got, the MORE it hurt! But I survived, and now we both have something we said we would NEVER have:
The next morning my Dad told me he decided that when Mom dies, he’s going to have her leg cut off and taken to a taxidermy and a lampshade put on top of it. Then when my daughter asks if she can have a tattoo dad can tell her, “Look, Nanner got a tattoo and now she doesn’t have a leg to stand on!”. I love my family and our sense of humor! That statement still makes me laugh!
When we were done I said I would never do that again. I should learn to never say never because I will be doing that again. No, I’m not getting another tattoo, but I need some touch up work done on the bottom of my Believe. And my Mom thinks that’s pretty funny …
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Happy Birthday Metisha
Today is Metisha’s birthday. She would be 34. Today is hard. She’s been gone from earth for 53 days and with each day we miss her more. Much more.
I think when you battle cancer with a loved one for four years, you want to believe that you’ve already grieved so much that the grief after they’re gone will somehow be easier. But the reality is we spent the last four years grieving for Metisha and her loss and pain. And now we are grieving for ourselves and for our loss. We are happy her body is not poisoned with cancer anymore, but our pain now isn’t about her. Our pain now is about us. It’s about facing our lives without her here. It’s a different kind of pain than the pain of the last four years. And while we know it’s a pain that only time can heal and that God has promised us joy will come again, it feels like this season will never end.
There is a major lesson of faith that I am learning and processing as a result of Metisha’s journey: Faith is a constant balancing act. I know this isn’t a new revelation, but I think I’m just really beginning to grasp what that means and how that works. For four years we balanced our faith and hope that God could physically heal Metisha against preparing ourselves for the reality that he may not. Now we are balancing the overwhelming grief we are feeling against the hope that God has promised joy will come again and the promise that this separation from Metisha is not permanent. I used to think that blind faith meant you ignored everything else and only focused on the good and that would somehow defeat the bad. But I don’t think faith necessarily overcomes the bad. Faith gives us hope despite the bad. It looks like a teeter totter. There is the despair of this world on one end and the promises from faith on the other. If all you have is the despair, you are sitting on the ground. But with faith on the other end, you get off the ground and find some balance. I know there is a lot more to it and a lot I have to process yet, but for now I am focusing on the fact that faith is keeping my big behind out of the dirt :) Like I said, I'm still processing so ask me next week and the analogy may change ...
Since June 5th, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as a family and continue to be blessed by so many of you who continue to check-in on us and love on us. I think my best advice if you want to help someone through grief is to just be ok with the fact that they are not ok. The grief is real and ignoring it won’t make it go away and you can’t fix it. So just love that person. Tell them you’re sorry and you love them. Often times that is enough.
One of my favorite parts of this blog has been sharing stories that depict Metisha’s infectious spirit. And because Metisha’s spirit lives on in us, there’s a story about a baby in a tattoo parlor that ends with Mom and I both getting our first “ink” at 10:30 on a Saturday night. But I’ll save that for another post. Today’s story is all about Metisha. Before Metisha died, she and Mom were talking and Mom told her she wanted them to pick a sign that Metisha would give Mom after she died to let her know she is ok. Metisha picked a rainbow but Mom said that was too generic and she wanted something more special. The conversation moved on to something else and they never picked a different sign. Fast forward to the evening after Metisha’s Celebration Service in Fairview. I sat down at my parents table, looked out the picture window and saw this:
It was positioned perfectly in the picture window and was in the South instead of the West. We all ran outside and watched it grow across the sky and then fade away. It was Metisha saying hello and defying her mother’s orders one last time :)
I think when you battle cancer with a loved one for four years, you want to believe that you’ve already grieved so much that the grief after they’re gone will somehow be easier. But the reality is we spent the last four years grieving for Metisha and her loss and pain. And now we are grieving for ourselves and for our loss. We are happy her body is not poisoned with cancer anymore, but our pain now isn’t about her. Our pain now is about us. It’s about facing our lives without her here. It’s a different kind of pain than the pain of the last four years. And while we know it’s a pain that only time can heal and that God has promised us joy will come again, it feels like this season will never end.
There is a major lesson of faith that I am learning and processing as a result of Metisha’s journey: Faith is a constant balancing act. I know this isn’t a new revelation, but I think I’m just really beginning to grasp what that means and how that works. For four years we balanced our faith and hope that God could physically heal Metisha against preparing ourselves for the reality that he may not. Now we are balancing the overwhelming grief we are feeling against the hope that God has promised joy will come again and the promise that this separation from Metisha is not permanent. I used to think that blind faith meant you ignored everything else and only focused on the good and that would somehow defeat the bad. But I don’t think faith necessarily overcomes the bad. Faith gives us hope despite the bad. It looks like a teeter totter. There is the despair of this world on one end and the promises from faith on the other. If all you have is the despair, you are sitting on the ground. But with faith on the other end, you get off the ground and find some balance. I know there is a lot more to it and a lot I have to process yet, but for now I am focusing on the fact that faith is keeping my big behind out of the dirt :) Like I said, I'm still processing so ask me next week and the analogy may change ...
Since June 5th, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as a family and continue to be blessed by so many of you who continue to check-in on us and love on us. I think my best advice if you want to help someone through grief is to just be ok with the fact that they are not ok. The grief is real and ignoring it won’t make it go away and you can’t fix it. So just love that person. Tell them you’re sorry and you love them. Often times that is enough.
One of my favorite parts of this blog has been sharing stories that depict Metisha’s infectious spirit. And because Metisha’s spirit lives on in us, there’s a story about a baby in a tattoo parlor that ends with Mom and I both getting our first “ink” at 10:30 on a Saturday night. But I’ll save that for another post. Today’s story is all about Metisha. Before Metisha died, she and Mom were talking and Mom told her she wanted them to pick a sign that Metisha would give Mom after she died to let her know she is ok. Metisha picked a rainbow but Mom said that was too generic and she wanted something more special. The conversation moved on to something else and they never picked a different sign. Fast forward to the evening after Metisha’s Celebration Service in Fairview. I sat down at my parents table, looked out the picture window and saw this:
So I will end this post where we started, at Metisha’s birthday. Happy Birthday Metisha! We love you. We miss you more than hearts can comprehend. We will celebrate you tonight as a family and make a toast to you with friends. Then we will send some balloons up to you. Oh, and I had a breakfast donut in your honor because I know that’s how you would have started your day ;)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Metisha Ann Ewbank Welsh
Metisha Ann Welsh received her heavenly healing from cancer in the early morning hours of June 5th, 2011. She fought a courageous four year battle. Throughout the journey she showed her friends and family what it means to be a Christ like warrior. She never gave up on her hope in God and the destination that awaited regardless of the final outcome. Her incredible joy and love for life, family and friends never quit and spread as a contagious hope to the many who walked the path with her.
Despite the illness of cancer, Metisha continued to live a full life and enjoyed her favorite activities of camping, four wheeling and marveling at the night stars as they brightly shined at the Cedar Springs Ewbank Family Farm, mountain biking with her husband Mark, relaxing on the beaches of Mexico, breathing in the mountain air of Red River New Mexico and experiencing the wonders of Christmas at Disney World.
Metisha married Mark Welsh at their paradise wedding in Jamaica on July 8th, 2000 and hand in hand with their love and a Godly commitment to each other, they fought the battle together.
Metisha enjoyed people and never met a stranger. Her family often joked she could visit with a wall. Her love for people was a special gift from God. With this gift she was called to be a 5th grade teacher in the Forth Worth school district. She used her creativity in the classroom making up silly songs and riddles to help her children learn. She invested love in each of her students by teaching them important characteristics like compassion, acceptance and love for life. Her goal was always to challenge her kids to do their best and further their education so they could go far as they dreamed and that they could achieve whatever they believed.
She knew heaven was for real when she arrived and was greeted first by her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then a joyous and a happy Granny Darlene Ewbank, Grandpa Edwin Karber and Grandpa Joe Woodman and a number of family and friends.
She will be greatly missed by her husband Mark, parents Danny and Barbara Ewbank, sister and brother-in-law Regan and Jeremy Unruh, niece Emmory Tisha Unruh, Mark’s parents Lyle and Ann Welsh and sister Kaley Welsh, grandparents Wade and Jean Ewbank, Edna Karber and Leona Woodman and many uncles and aunts, cousins and friends.
She entered this world on July 28th, 1977 and departed on June 5th, 2011.
A Celebration of Life Service will be held Thursday, June 9th at 2 pm at the Fairview M.B. Church.
In lieu of flowers, memorials can be made to the North Texas Humane Society at:
HSNT Humane Society of North Texas
1840 E Lancaster Ave
Forth Worth, TX 76104
Despite the illness of cancer, Metisha continued to live a full life and enjoyed her favorite activities of camping, four wheeling and marveling at the night stars as they brightly shined at the Cedar Springs Ewbank Family Farm, mountain biking with her husband Mark, relaxing on the beaches of Mexico, breathing in the mountain air of Red River New Mexico and experiencing the wonders of Christmas at Disney World.
Metisha married Mark Welsh at their paradise wedding in Jamaica on July 8th, 2000 and hand in hand with their love and a Godly commitment to each other, they fought the battle together.
Metisha enjoyed people and never met a stranger. Her family often joked she could visit with a wall. Her love for people was a special gift from God. With this gift she was called to be a 5th grade teacher in the Forth Worth school district. She used her creativity in the classroom making up silly songs and riddles to help her children learn. She invested love in each of her students by teaching them important characteristics like compassion, acceptance and love for life. Her goal was always to challenge her kids to do their best and further their education so they could go far as they dreamed and that they could achieve whatever they believed.
She knew heaven was for real when she arrived and was greeted first by her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then a joyous and a happy Granny Darlene Ewbank, Grandpa Edwin Karber and Grandpa Joe Woodman and a number of family and friends.
She will be greatly missed by her husband Mark, parents Danny and Barbara Ewbank, sister and brother-in-law Regan and Jeremy Unruh, niece Emmory Tisha Unruh, Mark’s parents Lyle and Ann Welsh and sister Kaley Welsh, grandparents Wade and Jean Ewbank, Edna Karber and Leona Woodman and many uncles and aunts, cousins and friends.
She entered this world on July 28th, 1977 and departed on June 5th, 2011.
A Celebration of Life Service will be held Thursday, June 9th at 2 pm at the Fairview M.B. Church.
In lieu of flowers, memorials can be made to the North Texas Humane Society at:
HSNT Humane Society of North Texas
1840 E Lancaster Ave
Forth Worth, TX 76104
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Service Information
Fort Worth Friends Gathering
Monday, June 6th from 5 pm until 7 pm
Biggers Funeral Home
6100 Azle Avenue
Fort Worth, TX 76135
Fairview Friends Gathering
Wednesday, June 8th from 7pm until 9 pm
M.B. Church Youth Building
1600 East State Road
Fairview, OK 73737
Celebration of Life Service
Thursday, June 9th at 2 pm
M.B. Church
1600 East State Road
Fairview, OK 73737
Monday, June 6th from 5 pm until 7 pm
Biggers Funeral Home
6100 Azle Avenue
Fort Worth, TX 76135
Fairview Friends Gathering
Wednesday, June 8th from 7pm until 9 pm
M.B. Church Youth Building
1600 East State Road
Fairview, OK 73737
Celebration of Life Service
Thursday, June 9th at 2 pm
M.B. Church
1600 East State Road
Fairview, OK 73737
Fort Worth Friends and Gathering
We will have a gathering for all of our Fort Worth friends and family tomorrow, Monday June 6th from 5 pm to 7 pm at the Biggers Funeral Home. Please join us for a time of remembering the joy of Metisha’s life. We will have a service in Fairview, Oklahoma later this week. We will provide details as soon as they are confirmed.
Biggers Funeral Home
6100 Azle Avenue
Fort Worth, TX 76135
Biggers Funeral Home
6100 Azle Avenue
Fort Worth, TX 76135
Healed
Metisha peacefully entered the gates of heaven early this morning. She is finally healed, free of pain and experiencing a joy we cannot comprehend. She is with her eternal Father who loves her so much he made the ultimate sacrifice to give her everlasting life. And because He also loves us, we can be there with her too some day.
I know the last weeks have been extremely hard on all of you as you have continued to pray for and support us but have not been able to see or talk to Metisha. But we and Metisha greatly appreciated you respecting her wishes for privacy and felt the power of your love and prayers. There is nothing easy about this process. Nothing. But we want to celebrate Metisha’s life with you. While we do not have finalized details yet, we are planning on having a time of visitation and sharing here in Fort Worth and then a celebration service in Fairview. Please check back here for date and times.
Please continue praying for us as we begin this new life. A parent should never lose a child. A husband should not lose his wife in their 30’s. And siblings should grow old together. Our heartbreaks are real and the grief is going to hit us like a tidal wave and then subside only to come crashing in again. But Metisha joyfully fought for over four years and we must honor her by finding the same fighting spirit and live, joyfully, a new life without her on Earth. This is a process that will take time but a process we must go through to live out Metisha’s legacy.
I know the last weeks have been extremely hard on all of you as you have continued to pray for and support us but have not been able to see or talk to Metisha. But we and Metisha greatly appreciated you respecting her wishes for privacy and felt the power of your love and prayers. There is nothing easy about this process. Nothing. But we want to celebrate Metisha’s life with you. While we do not have finalized details yet, we are planning on having a time of visitation and sharing here in Fort Worth and then a celebration service in Fairview. Please check back here for date and times.
Please continue praying for us as we begin this new life. A parent should never lose a child. A husband should not lose his wife in their 30’s. And siblings should grow old together. Our heartbreaks are real and the grief is going to hit us like a tidal wave and then subside only to come crashing in again. But Metisha joyfully fought for over four years and we must honor her by finding the same fighting spirit and live, joyfully, a new life without her on Earth. This is a process that will take time but a process we must go through to live out Metisha’s legacy.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Final Steps
Metisha is taking the final steps of this journey. She is now under the watchful care of Hospice. Her pain is well managed, but it is so difficult to see our Super Hero in this state. Please pray that she will soon be running through the gates of Heaven, with a completely restored body.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Sleeping More and More
Metisha has been overwhelmed with all of the support you have given her through flowers, text messages, Facebook and cards! She has no doubts of how much she is loved and cherished. Please know how much she appreciates the support and if she does not respond, it is because she is flooded with messages and her vision is now being affected making it hard to read and respond to everything. But know we are reading all of your words of love and encouragement to her. The house is looking like a flower shop and Metisha loves every single flower. She is very sorry she cannot give so many of you hugs but she does not have any energy for visitors now. She is sleeping more and more and needs to spend her few waking hours left with Mark, her parents, siblings and niece.
We know how hard it is to feel like there is nothing you can do. But please know your prayers are exactly what we need. And we do not take likely how Metisha’s journey has touched your lives how the end if affecting you. We know you are sharing in our tears. But we must all remember that while we will forever miss our Super Hero, a reward beyond comprehension awaits her. One of our youngest prayer warriors said it best yesterday: Jesus just wants to play with Tisha now … He cannot wait any longer. So much wisdom from a 3 year old.
Please keep praying with us.
We know how hard it is to feel like there is nothing you can do. But please know your prayers are exactly what we need. And we do not take likely how Metisha’s journey has touched your lives how the end if affecting you. We know you are sharing in our tears. But we must all remember that while we will forever miss our Super Hero, a reward beyond comprehension awaits her. One of our youngest prayer warriors said it best yesterday: Jesus just wants to play with Tisha now … He cannot wait any longer. So much wisdom from a 3 year old.
Please keep praying with us.
At Home
Metisha’s last blood work showed her liver is in very poor shape. Our Super Hero continues to fight in a state that most could not. She is truly the strongest person I know!
Because of the state of her liver there is no reason to see the new doctor in Dallas today. There isn’t a treatment that can be done because her liver is just too sick. We still know God can perform a miracle that will shock the world, but we are simply praying that God will free her from this cancer and that she will feel His holy arms tightly around her.
We love you Metisha, more than we can ever express.
Because of the state of her liver there is no reason to see the new doctor in Dallas today. There isn’t a treatment that can be done because her liver is just too sick. We still know God can perform a miracle that will shock the world, but we are simply praying that God will free her from this cancer and that she will feel His holy arms tightly around her.
We love you Metisha, more than we can ever express.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Reality
I know it has been a long time since I have posted an update. Honestly we have been taking some time to adjust to the reality Metisha is facing. The last two chemo drugs have not worked in her liver. The cancer has gotten must worse. Metisha is experiencing a lot of pain and is extremely fatigued and exhausted. The cancer is destroying her body and there are no medical tools left to fight against it. The reality is Metisha is now starting her journey to her forever home and we have to say goodbye for now.
I know these words are painful to read. I have cried over them for days. I have struggled with what to say and how to say it and when to say it. I don’t understand why Metisha, why cancer, why at her age, why … The only thing I know for certain is this goodbye is not forever. This goodbye is really a “see you later”. Metisha will be fully restored in heaven and her loving Father and Savior is there waiting for her. And someday I will be with her there too.
We don’t know if we are left with weeks or months. Her doctors have contacted MD Andersen and they have no treatment options for her because of the current state of her liver. She is seeing a doctor in Dallas on Wednesday who specializes in late stage terminal cancer. We do not know if she will have any options for Metisha but we are praying that she is either God’s miracle of a cure or the doctor will say there is nothing she can do. We don’t want Metisha to have to endure another treatment that provides no results. Pray for wisdom and clarity for Mark and Metisha when they visit with the doctor on Wednesday.
I know you all love Metisha and want to hug her and tell her you love her. But saying goodbye through the tears over and over again is just too hard for her and she simply does not have the physical strength or emotional strength to endure the goodbyes. We need you to respect Metisha’s wishes and need for privacy during this time. I know you want her to know how much you love her so please send her cards and letters but do not visit or call her. Please understand that she loves you dearly and is so thankful for you constant prayers and support. She knows how much she is loved, but she needs to limit her precious time left to our immediately family only.
Metisha is at peace. She is sad for all that she will miss but is ready to be healthy and whole again. As her family, we cannot begin to imagine life on earth without her, but we too are ready for her to be free of the cancer and free of the suffering. She is an amazing person who has touched more lives than we will ever know. Her spirit and attitude is so contagious that this world will not be as bright of a place with her gone.
We cannot say thank you enough for all that you have done for Metisha and our family over the past four years. I can say with 100% certainty that God has used you to comfort us and we know that when we arrive at the other side of this journey, you will still be there providing that comfort.
We don’t want to spend our last days on Earth with Metisha in total sadness and are fighting to have happy and joyful moments. And of course Metisha’s attitude and spirit often makes that possible! She told Mom people should send her flowers now instead of to her funeral because she can’t enjoy them when she’s dead! Of course she was kidding!
Please know that we still believe God can perform a miracle and if that miracle happens, it will be certain that it is all God! But while we never give up hope, we have to prepare ourselves for her passing. Please continue to pray with us that Metisha will be relived from the pain and for peace and strength for Metisha and Mark and their families as we travel to the end of this journey.
I know these words are painful to read. I have cried over them for days. I have struggled with what to say and how to say it and when to say it. I don’t understand why Metisha, why cancer, why at her age, why … The only thing I know for certain is this goodbye is not forever. This goodbye is really a “see you later”. Metisha will be fully restored in heaven and her loving Father and Savior is there waiting for her. And someday I will be with her there too.
We don’t know if we are left with weeks or months. Her doctors have contacted MD Andersen and they have no treatment options for her because of the current state of her liver. She is seeing a doctor in Dallas on Wednesday who specializes in late stage terminal cancer. We do not know if she will have any options for Metisha but we are praying that she is either God’s miracle of a cure or the doctor will say there is nothing she can do. We don’t want Metisha to have to endure another treatment that provides no results. Pray for wisdom and clarity for Mark and Metisha when they visit with the doctor on Wednesday.
I know you all love Metisha and want to hug her and tell her you love her. But saying goodbye through the tears over and over again is just too hard for her and she simply does not have the physical strength or emotional strength to endure the goodbyes. We need you to respect Metisha’s wishes and need for privacy during this time. I know you want her to know how much you love her so please send her cards and letters but do not visit or call her. Please understand that she loves you dearly and is so thankful for you constant prayers and support. She knows how much she is loved, but she needs to limit her precious time left to our immediately family only.
Metisha is at peace. She is sad for all that she will miss but is ready to be healthy and whole again. As her family, we cannot begin to imagine life on earth without her, but we too are ready for her to be free of the cancer and free of the suffering. She is an amazing person who has touched more lives than we will ever know. Her spirit and attitude is so contagious that this world will not be as bright of a place with her gone.
We cannot say thank you enough for all that you have done for Metisha and our family over the past four years. I can say with 100% certainty that God has used you to comfort us and we know that when we arrive at the other side of this journey, you will still be there providing that comfort.
We don’t want to spend our last days on Earth with Metisha in total sadness and are fighting to have happy and joyful moments. And of course Metisha’s attitude and spirit often makes that possible! She told Mom people should send her flowers now instead of to her funeral because she can’t enjoy them when she’s dead! Of course she was kidding!
Please know that we still believe God can perform a miracle and if that miracle happens, it will be certain that it is all God! But while we never give up hope, we have to prepare ourselves for her passing. Please continue to pray with us that Metisha will be relived from the pain and for peace and strength for Metisha and Mark and their families as we travel to the end of this journey.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
New Chemo on Thursday
Metisha had new scans and the results confirmed her fears that the chemo hadn’t been working. The cancer in her liver and lymph nodes has gotten worse. It was not the news we wanted to hear, but we were not surprised.
So she starts a new chemo on Thursday at 9 am. Her doctor said this is the last chemo they have to try at Texas Oncology and she needs to start deciding plans for the summer. She can go back to MD Anderson in Houston and see if there are trials available or there is a doctor in Dallas that may have some options for her. Pray for discernment for Metisha and Mark to know what the best move is for the summer.
While this is all sobering news, we are praying that this is the LAST chemo she ever needs because God is quickly going to perform a miracle and heal her of all cancer. While conventional medicine may not be able to heal her, God can perform a miracle! Please pray for God to perform a healing miracle very soon in Metisha’s life.
There has been good news. Metisha was quickly become extremely fatigued and having troubles eating. However after changing her pain medicine the fatigue has greatly improved and she has been able to eat more. Also, even though the cancer has gotten worse in her liver, the liver is still functioning which is a huge praise. And Metisha was approved for the Sick Bank at work!
This weekend is the Susan B Komen Race for the Cure in Fort Worth and you can support the Welsh Warriors by clicking here and donating to a team member. Race for the Cure is an incredible experience and we are excited to walk again this year.
Please keep praying with us, we know God hears our prayers:
• Pray for God to perform a miracle of physical healing in Metisha soon
• Pray for wisdom as Metisha and Mark evaluate next options
• Pray that this new chemo will have no side effects
• Pray that Metisha will feel good enough to Race for the Cure on Saturday
So she starts a new chemo on Thursday at 9 am. Her doctor said this is the last chemo they have to try at Texas Oncology and she needs to start deciding plans for the summer. She can go back to MD Anderson in Houston and see if there are trials available or there is a doctor in Dallas that may have some options for her. Pray for discernment for Metisha and Mark to know what the best move is for the summer.
While this is all sobering news, we are praying that this is the LAST chemo she ever needs because God is quickly going to perform a miracle and heal her of all cancer. While conventional medicine may not be able to heal her, God can perform a miracle! Please pray for God to perform a healing miracle very soon in Metisha’s life.
There has been good news. Metisha was quickly become extremely fatigued and having troubles eating. However after changing her pain medicine the fatigue has greatly improved and she has been able to eat more. Also, even though the cancer has gotten worse in her liver, the liver is still functioning which is a huge praise. And Metisha was approved for the Sick Bank at work!
This weekend is the Susan B Komen Race for the Cure in Fort Worth and you can support the Welsh Warriors by clicking here and donating to a team member. Race for the Cure is an incredible experience and we are excited to walk again this year.
Please keep praying with us, we know God hears our prayers:
• Pray for God to perform a miracle of physical healing in Metisha soon
• Pray for wisdom as Metisha and Mark evaluate next options
• Pray that this new chemo will have no side effects
• Pray that Metisha will feel good enough to Race for the Cure on Saturday
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Good with the Bad
Having cancer enter your life teaches you a lot of lessons. Most are learned through pain, tears and heartache but often there is always some good in with the bad. The two God truths that I have constantly wrestled with over the past years are:
1. His ways are not my ways and
2. He will never give us more than we can handle.
I wrote about the first one last month. I think what is hard about #2 is we often times think we can’t handle as much as God knows we can handle. And so when that something hits my life, I automatically think I can’t handle it and get frustrated with God that he would allow it to happen. But if I stop fighting with my emotions I can see how God does give us just enough strength to get through the current minute, hour, day. Mark’s Grammy always says that God will never give us more than we can handle, but I wish he didn’t have so much faith in us! I agree Grammy!
Metisha and her strength constantly amaze me. God has given her and Mark the ability to live in the now, and I think that is where she obtains her strength. While I’m running every what-if scenario through my head and my Dad is Googling every symptom for answers, Metisha is living with the knowledge of what her cancer is right now and is not constantly consumed with fear of the what-ifs and what’s next. I think that is a perfect representation of Faith. Because she has Faith that God is control, she can be comfortable with the now. The only promise she needs of the future is that there is a heaven and she received the gift of a permanent address there. She believes God can give her an earthly healing, but she has given that to Him. Amazing.
Yes, she is human. She has moments of fear and doubt and sadness. But she always moves past those moments and goes back to living in the now. When I look at her, I know there is a lot I can learn from her faith.
So with the bad comes good and with good comes bad. This week the good is pain relief. Metisha has been having intense pain in her liver for a few weeks to the point where I have seen her wince (and if you know her you know how much pain that takes). But they have continued to adjust her pain meds and she gotten relief from the intense pain. But yesterday she learned her markers have gone back up 70 points indicating this chemo just isn’t working. This is not a surprise and Metisha was expecting it, but it is still disappointing. They are trying to schedule scans for next week and then will evaluate what the next treatment option.
Please keep praying with us. We are praying:
• The scans can be schedule quickly.
• Metisha will be approved for additional sick days from the Sick Leave Bank so she can take days when is not feeling well or needs rest.
• The scans will not show cancer is any new spots or significant growth in the existing spots.
• Metisha can be relieved from all the pain and be well rested.
• For 100% healing from the cancer.
It is spring which means its race time again! The Komen Race for the Cure in Fort Worth is April 9th. You can support the awesome Welsh Warriors by clicking here. She has an amazing friend who organizes the Welsh Warriors every year and amazing co-workers and friends in DFW that get up early every year to walk for Metisha. We are so thankful for all of you!
1. His ways are not my ways and
2. He will never give us more than we can handle.
I wrote about the first one last month. I think what is hard about #2 is we often times think we can’t handle as much as God knows we can handle. And so when that something hits my life, I automatically think I can’t handle it and get frustrated with God that he would allow it to happen. But if I stop fighting with my emotions I can see how God does give us just enough strength to get through the current minute, hour, day. Mark’s Grammy always says that God will never give us more than we can handle, but I wish he didn’t have so much faith in us! I agree Grammy!
Metisha and her strength constantly amaze me. God has given her and Mark the ability to live in the now, and I think that is where she obtains her strength. While I’m running every what-if scenario through my head and my Dad is Googling every symptom for answers, Metisha is living with the knowledge of what her cancer is right now and is not constantly consumed with fear of the what-ifs and what’s next. I think that is a perfect representation of Faith. Because she has Faith that God is control, she can be comfortable with the now. The only promise she needs of the future is that there is a heaven and she received the gift of a permanent address there. She believes God can give her an earthly healing, but she has given that to Him. Amazing.
Yes, she is human. She has moments of fear and doubt and sadness. But she always moves past those moments and goes back to living in the now. When I look at her, I know there is a lot I can learn from her faith.
So with the bad comes good and with good comes bad. This week the good is pain relief. Metisha has been having intense pain in her liver for a few weeks to the point where I have seen her wince (and if you know her you know how much pain that takes). But they have continued to adjust her pain meds and she gotten relief from the intense pain. But yesterday she learned her markers have gone back up 70 points indicating this chemo just isn’t working. This is not a surprise and Metisha was expecting it, but it is still disappointing. They are trying to schedule scans for next week and then will evaluate what the next treatment option.
Please keep praying with us. We are praying:
• The scans can be schedule quickly.
• Metisha will be approved for additional sick days from the Sick Leave Bank so she can take days when is not feeling well or needs rest.
• The scans will not show cancer is any new spots or significant growth in the existing spots.
• Metisha can be relieved from all the pain and be well rested.
• For 100% healing from the cancer.
It is spring which means its race time again! The Komen Race for the Cure in Fort Worth is April 9th. You can support the awesome Welsh Warriors by clicking here. She has an amazing friend who organizes the Welsh Warriors every year and amazing co-workers and friends in DFW that get up early every year to walk for Metisha. We are so thankful for all of you!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
When His Ways Aren't Our Ways ...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
Isaiah 55:8
I have to be honest. This verse has not provided comfort to this little sister over the past four years. You see my way means my sister is healed right now of all cancer. In my way, we are old retired folks traveling the country in our RVs, annoying our old husbands with our stupid humor that only each other truly appreciates. That’s my way. And my fear is God’s way means she receives a heavenly healing. I know the passage tells us that God’s ways are better, but my fear overcomes this promise on a daily basis.
But today, God has reminded me that his ways are better, and usually means a path or an answer I never thought of or asked for. Today we received a miracle and answer to our prayers that we didn’t even think of.
Metisha went to oncology today to take some paper work and her favorite nurse came out with a paper and a tear in her eye. She explained that blood work they shared with her yesterday was from 2 weeks ago and she now had the results from yesterday’s blood work. She handed Tisha the paper and yesterday’s count was over 200 points LOWER than 2 weeks ago. So two weeks ago she was in the 500s, yesterday she was in the 200s! Marie said she couldn’t explain it, but Metisha immediately said she could, people have been praying!
Thank you God for showing me that your ways are ways I have never imagined and you ways are good. And thank you God for blessing me with an amazing big sister!
Isaiah 55:8
I have to be honest. This verse has not provided comfort to this little sister over the past four years. You see my way means my sister is healed right now of all cancer. In my way, we are old retired folks traveling the country in our RVs, annoying our old husbands with our stupid humor that only each other truly appreciates. That’s my way. And my fear is God’s way means she receives a heavenly healing. I know the passage tells us that God’s ways are better, but my fear overcomes this promise on a daily basis.
But today, God has reminded me that his ways are better, and usually means a path or an answer I never thought of or asked for. Today we received a miracle and answer to our prayers that we didn’t even think of.
Metisha went to oncology today to take some paper work and her favorite nurse came out with a paper and a tear in her eye. She explained that blood work they shared with her yesterday was from 2 weeks ago and she now had the results from yesterday’s blood work. She handed Tisha the paper and yesterday’s count was over 200 points LOWER than 2 weeks ago. So two weeks ago she was in the 500s, yesterday she was in the 200s! Marie said she couldn’t explain it, but Metisha immediately said she could, people have been praying!
Thank you God for showing me that your ways are ways I have never imagined and you ways are good. And thank you God for blessing me with an amazing big sister!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Next
Metisha had chemo today. Her blood work showed her cancer markers have risen dramatically to a bad range which means the current chemo just isn’t working. So it’s time for new scans, and then to evaluate the next option.
We are sad, but not shocked by this news. Metisha had a feeling the chemo wasn’t working because she’s been having more pain in her stomach and liver areas and her hair has been growing. We are praying that the scans can be done quickly and the next treatment can be very quickly identified and started. Most of all we are praying the next treatment option will work and fight the cancer back down quickly, very quickly.
Tisha has been staring down death for a long time now and her perception of death is certainly different than most. A friend was telling her of an acquaintance who died suddenly of a heart attack. Metisha’s quick response was, “Lucky!” She quickly realized what she had said and apologized, but I think we can all understand her perspective. Metisha says she can be ok with dying; she just doesn’t want to die from cancer! I love her humor and her honest approach! She is a fighter, and she wants to beat this!
Keep praying for our fighter. Pray for the scans to happen quickly, to have results that are a good surprise given her cancer markers, and that the next treatment can be identified and begin quickly. Pray that the cancer will be healed from her lymph nodes in her neck/chest/stomach and in her liver.
We are sad, but not shocked by this news. Metisha had a feeling the chemo wasn’t working because she’s been having more pain in her stomach and liver areas and her hair has been growing. We are praying that the scans can be done quickly and the next treatment can be very quickly identified and started. Most of all we are praying the next treatment option will work and fight the cancer back down quickly, very quickly.
Tisha has been staring down death for a long time now and her perception of death is certainly different than most. A friend was telling her of an acquaintance who died suddenly of a heart attack. Metisha’s quick response was, “Lucky!” She quickly realized what she had said and apologized, but I think we can all understand her perspective. Metisha says she can be ok with dying; she just doesn’t want to die from cancer! I love her humor and her honest approach! She is a fighter, and she wants to beat this!
Keep praying for our fighter. Pray for the scans to happen quickly, to have results that are a good surprise given her cancer markers, and that the next treatment can be identified and begin quickly. Pray that the cancer will be healed from her lymph nodes in her neck/chest/stomach and in her liver.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Super Hero Not Feeling so Super …
Metisha had her first round of the new chemo last Thursday and it has been rough, very, very, very rough. Our fearless super hero isn’t feeling so super :( She has admitted to painful tears, being tired and just wanting some normal. And as you know, she doesn’t admit to these things often.
Her weekend was consumed with intense pain in her liver, general all over body pain, severe headaches, and some nausea. Chemo is toxic, and she is definitely feeling that way. She is feeling better and back at school today, but is definitely fatigued by the end of the day. Of course 5th graders can be exhausting by themselves!
But as always, in the midst of the unbearable trials she still has her humor. She decided if she’s going to have short spiky hair, it might as well be fun hair. So she and Mark made a trip to the drug store over the weekend and picked up some pink hair dye. Unfortunately it didn’t work, but it’s always good to hear of humor in her day!
It is the last week of sugar free and Metisha has done great! Not only has she avoided sugar but she has also avoided sugar substitutes! Thank you to everyone who has stood by her with a sugar free January!
So we are praying all of this pain is indicating the chemo is violently attacking and KILLING the cancer and that as the cancer is reduced the pain will improve. Our prayer is always that Metisha can live, with cancer for now and soon cancer free.
Her weekend was consumed with intense pain in her liver, general all over body pain, severe headaches, and some nausea. Chemo is toxic, and she is definitely feeling that way. She is feeling better and back at school today, but is definitely fatigued by the end of the day. Of course 5th graders can be exhausting by themselves!
But as always, in the midst of the unbearable trials she still has her humor. She decided if she’s going to have short spiky hair, it might as well be fun hair. So she and Mark made a trip to the drug store over the weekend and picked up some pink hair dye. Unfortunately it didn’t work, but it’s always good to hear of humor in her day!
It is the last week of sugar free and Metisha has done great! Not only has she avoided sugar but she has also avoided sugar substitutes! Thank you to everyone who has stood by her with a sugar free January!
So we are praying all of this pain is indicating the chemo is violently attacking and KILLING the cancer and that as the cancer is reduced the pain will improve. Our prayer is always that Metisha can live, with cancer for now and soon cancer free.
Friday, January 14, 2011
New Chemo Approved!
The insurance company approved the new chemo and Metisha received her first treatment yesterday! We are praying this one is a miracle worker and we quickly see improvement. We are also praying the chemo is an “easy” one that allows Metisha to regain some energy.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Sad
The PET scan came back today and it didn’t show good news. There is cancer in the lymph nodes, in her arm pit, behind her chest muscles and around her stomach again. Her liver is also substantially worse. Metisha isn’t shocked by this news, but she is sad. We all are sad.
Her oncologist wants to start her on a new chemo that was just recently approved by the FDA. As of now, her insurance company is denying the treatment but our favorite nurse is fighting hard against the insurance company. This is a HUGE prayer request now that the insurance company will agree to cover the treatment and quickly so Metisha can start the new chemo next week.
Metisha needs prayers. She has been extremely tired lately and just isn’t feeling good. We want her to be able to live the active life she wants, and she needs her energy back to do that. She is such a strong person but her body has been through a lot. But we believe we God can give her renewed energy and heal her body of all this nasty cancer.
Her oncologist wants to start her on a new chemo that was just recently approved by the FDA. As of now, her insurance company is denying the treatment but our favorite nurse is fighting hard against the insurance company. This is a HUGE prayer request now that the insurance company will agree to cover the treatment and quickly so Metisha can start the new chemo next week.
Metisha needs prayers. She has been extremely tired lately and just isn’t feeling good. We want her to be able to live the active life she wants, and she needs her energy back to do that. She is such a strong person but her body has been through a lot. But we believe we God can give her renewed energy and heal her body of all this nasty cancer.
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