We all know the amazing strength, faith and attitude that Metisha had through her cancer battle. Her strength was inspiring. I think a lot of strength came from the rock in her life who hasn’t received nearly enough of deserved attention on this blog. So today I am declaring it Mark Welsh day on the blog and I know he will hate every word that I am about to write :)
Mark and Metisha’s first dance was in junior high. They started dating in high school where he was the football quarterback and she was a basketball star. They continued to date on off through college and in 2000 were married on a beach in Jamaica.
In 2007 when Metisha was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer, Mark became her rock. He was her steady, her calm, her constant, her consistency. He was and is amazing. He never stopped loving her. He experienced more heartache than we will never know and is the only one who endured watching Metisha slowly fade away every day. When it was time to stand true to the vow, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health”, he did not falter. He loved her through all of the sickness and the worse. Leaving to him was never an option and never a thought that entered his mind. Mark is a man of commitment and he never wavered from his commitment to Metisha. Even when he was breaking on the inside, externally he was her rock. While the rest of us were emotional and would fall apart, Mark was her steady and that was in God’s perfect design.
When Mark first came around I was a snotty, hormonal junior high girl and the beginning of our relationship was a bit rocky. Suddenly the only flavor of Kool-Aid in the fridge was HIS favorite flavor. Lasagna was made WITHOUT cottage cheese. And I had to SHARE my birthday with him. But worse of all was that my big sister wanted to spend time with him, not me! You can see that my choice to despise this change in family dynamics was completely justified and he should have been more considerate to my feelings :) But I matured and realized he probably wasn’t going anywhere so I better get used to it! We finally had a bonding experience on a spring break ski trip. It seems that my ankles do not bend to normal angles so every morning he had to wrestle my ski boots on. And when I say wrestle, I mean wrestle! I would have to sit on the ground with a foot in the air while he would twist, push and grunt until the boot finally gave way. The process was always followed by him telling me if I took my boots off I was done skiing for the day. Oddly, Mark’s doesn't expressed an interest to go skiing with me again …
Watching Mark unconditionally love my sister, especially at the end of her life, was beautiful, heartbreaking, changed me and inspired me. He didn’t have to say anything about how much he loved her because his heart was completely visible through his actions in those final days. He loved her, was a Godly husband and fulfilled every word of their marriage vows with honor and integrity. I will always love Mark and he will always be my brother and my daughter’s Uncle Mark.
Mark, thank you for loving her and for loving us (even when we were emotional). I know you don’t like gooey emotions and big accolades and you’re going to be ticked at me for writing this but I don’t care because I love you :)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Joy Will Come
It’s been 99 days since Metisha went to heaven. 99 days. And 101 days since we’ve been able to talk to her. It feels like it’s already been a lifetime, but the then reality is we still have a lifetime of separation to face.
So today, and really for the last two weeks, my heart is hurting a lot again. I miss her voice. I miss her laughter. I miss the way she would get excited about things. I miss the way her spirit would fill the entire room when she entered. I just miss her.
But there are two promises that God has given us that I am holding on to with white knuckles and not letting go of. The first is there is eternal life and Metisha has that and I will too because we chose to accept a gift which we do not deserve. The second is that joy will come again. Joy WILL come again. This is an important promise for me because I have feared that without Metisha our family will never again have joy. I remember sitting at my kitchen table with my Dad last winter and we were talking about Metisha’s declining health and what the worst case scenario would be. I remember telling him with tears streaming down my face that I was most afraid that regardless of whether Metisha lived or died, we would never experience joy again. We would either be constantly battling fear of cancer or forever devastated by her death. Where and how could joy fit into either one? Dad told me we will have joy. It will take time but there will be more joy than sadness. I didn’t believe him. My heart was full of anger and fear and just could not absorb the possibility.
But when we needed it most, God gave Dad tangible proof to backup his statement. Just 6 days before Metisha died, Dad was out walking at the family farm and came across a single page out of Bible lying in the dirt, dropped there after a tornado went through the area. It was Psalm 29, 30 and 31 and on the page was Psalm 30:5 which says, “weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning.” Joy comes in the morning. We know God sent this scripture for us and was telling us this promise is for us. So now I believe my Dad, am holding on fervently to this promise. I don’t know how long the night will last. I don’t know how dark the night will get. But weeping will turn to joy.
After Dad got back to town he posted his story on Facebook. And in a string of comments to Dad’s story on Facebook is this:
Metisha Ewbank Welsh So cool Dad!!! I love you!
May 31 at 7:13pm
Danny Ewbank Love you more than u know!
May 31 at 8:44pm
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Just My Heart of the Day
Grief is a sneaky thing. You have a run of good days, maybe even weeks, then something small comes along and that heavy pain in your heart is all consuming again. It's a process. It's a part of life. And even though my pain and loss are unique to me, everyone knows grief.
But I keep living and moving forward because if I do any less, Metisha will kick my butt when I get to heaven :) And I keep thanking God that because of his plan, there is a heaven, Metisha is now experiencimg pure joy beyond my comprehension, and I will have that same joy and be with her again someday.
But I keep living and moving forward because if I do any less, Metisha will kick my butt when I get to heaven :) And I keep thanking God that because of his plan, there is a heaven, Metisha is now experiencimg pure joy beyond my comprehension, and I will have that same joy and be with her again someday.
That’s just my thought heart today …
Friday, August 19, 2011
Inked
In my last post I promised a story about tattoos and decided today was a good day to share!
During Metisha’s battle, she decided to get “Believe” tattooed on the side of her left foot as a visible reminder to keeping believing for a miracle.
I remember she called me that evening and told me what she had done. I wasn’t surprised, she had talked about getting a tattoo since she was in college but the parentals were always adamantly against it. So when she told me, I was sworn to not tell Mom and Dad. That still makes me laugh that even as adults I got the big sister “don’t you dare tell” threat! Of course the next time we were together Mom saw the tattoo and was less than impressed. But she did show restraint from lecturing her adult child!
When we left the parlor, I told Mom when she dies I will not be honoring her with a tattoo because that hurt! And I say that as someone who has given birth with a failed epidural and back labor! But despite the pain, we laughed more in those short hours than we had in the last 6 weeks. It felt good to laugh. It felt healing to laugh. And we feel connected. I hope Metisha got look down on us and laugh with us! Over a month later, I have no regrets and am glad Mom and I both had the thought to do something we swore we would never do! And I'm glad to have a reminder to continue to believe, despite the heart breaks of this world.
The next morning my Dad told me he decided that when Mom dies, he’s going to have her leg cut off and taken to a taxidermy and a lampshade put on top of it. Then when my daughter asks if she can have a tattoo dad can tell her, “Look, Nanner got a tattoo and now she doesn’t have a leg to stand on!”. I love my family and our sense of humor! That statement still makes me laugh!
When we were done I said I would never do that again. I should learn to never say never because I will be doing that again. No, I’m not getting another tattoo, but I need some touch up work done on the bottom of my Believe. And my Mom thinks that’s pretty funny …
During Metisha’s battle, she decided to get “Believe” tattooed on the side of her left foot as a visible reminder to keeping believing for a miracle.
Fast forward to this July. I have never been a big fan of tattoos either. No judgment, it was just a little too permanent for me and I always wondered how it would look to be an eighty year old grandma with “ink”. But after Metisha died, I randomly had the thought that I wanted to get the same tattoo as a way to stay connected to her. But I’m a type A, boring, responsible, analytical person so I decided I would think about it for a few months just to be sure it wasn’t the grief talking.
That next weekend we were all together in Fort Worth and were heading to dinner. Mark asked what we wanted to do after dinner and Mom said, “I was thinking about getting a tattoo!” We all laughed and made fun of her, certain she wasn’t serious (she has a family reputation of making big statements with no action). But she loudly and repeatedly declared she was serious because she wanted the same tattoo as Metisha as a way to stay connected to her. What?!? That statement caught my attention and when I revealed I had the same thought, Mom was even more decided. So I said I would do it if she did, feeling sure she would back out and we would have more time to think about it. The men of the family at this point were still very skeptical and making fun of Mom.
So we had a nice dinner and ice cream and loaded back up in the car. Mark asked Mom if we were going home and she said, “Nope, we’re going to the tattoo parlor!” At this point it was 8:30 pm, and the whole family, including my one year old daughter whose bedtime as an hour earlier, headed to the tattoo parlor. Yes, I had a baby, in a tattoo parlor! I’m sure our suburban family looked completely normal at the tattoo parlor, right? Mom and I told them what we wanted (getting very skeptical and annoyed looks) when we were suddenly thrown a curve ball (or I was thrown a life vest): we needed our IDs which neither of us had. So the whole family loaded back up in the family SUV, buckled the one year old in her car seat and headed home. Good, Mom and I would have more time to make sure this is what we wanted to do before making a permanent decision!
While I was putting my daughter to bed, my husband came in and said Mom was ready to go. I asked, “Go where?” His reply, “Back to the tattoo parlor!” My thought, “You have got to be kidding me! This is a bad idea! She is going to regret this!” But I could not be out-cooled by my mother, so at 10:30 pm on a Friday night, the men went to bed and Mom and I drove back to the tattoo parlor, this time with our IDs.
To be sure I was not the only leaving with ink, I made Mom go first :) She showed no pain and we joked about what Fairviewites would think of her with a tattoo. After about 20 minutes (she swears it was longer) Mom’s was done and it was my turn. She looked at me and said it hurts, a lot. I laughed, sure she was just trying to scare me. I sat down and he started to on the bottom part. OUCH! That did hurt, a lot. But everyone says it goes numb so I figured no problem, a few minutes and it won’t be so bad. WRONG! The closer to the top of my foot he got, the MORE it hurt! But I survived, and now we both have something we said we would NEVER have:
The next morning my Dad told me he decided that when Mom dies, he’s going to have her leg cut off and taken to a taxidermy and a lampshade put on top of it. Then when my daughter asks if she can have a tattoo dad can tell her, “Look, Nanner got a tattoo and now she doesn’t have a leg to stand on!”. I love my family and our sense of humor! That statement still makes me laugh!
When we were done I said I would never do that again. I should learn to never say never because I will be doing that again. No, I’m not getting another tattoo, but I need some touch up work done on the bottom of my Believe. And my Mom thinks that’s pretty funny …
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Happy Birthday Metisha
Today is Metisha’s birthday. She would be 34. Today is hard. She’s been gone from earth for 53 days and with each day we miss her more. Much more.
I think when you battle cancer with a loved one for four years, you want to believe that you’ve already grieved so much that the grief after they’re gone will somehow be easier. But the reality is we spent the last four years grieving for Metisha and her loss and pain. And now we are grieving for ourselves and for our loss. We are happy her body is not poisoned with cancer anymore, but our pain now isn’t about her. Our pain now is about us. It’s about facing our lives without her here. It’s a different kind of pain than the pain of the last four years. And while we know it’s a pain that only time can heal and that God has promised us joy will come again, it feels like this season will never end.
There is a major lesson of faith that I am learning and processing as a result of Metisha’s journey: Faith is a constant balancing act. I know this isn’t a new revelation, but I think I’m just really beginning to grasp what that means and how that works. For four years we balanced our faith and hope that God could physically heal Metisha against preparing ourselves for the reality that he may not. Now we are balancing the overwhelming grief we are feeling against the hope that God has promised joy will come again and the promise that this separation from Metisha is not permanent. I used to think that blind faith meant you ignored everything else and only focused on the good and that would somehow defeat the bad. But I don’t think faith necessarily overcomes the bad. Faith gives us hope despite the bad. It looks like a teeter totter. There is the despair of this world on one end and the promises from faith on the other. If all you have is the despair, you are sitting on the ground. But with faith on the other end, you get off the ground and find some balance. I know there is a lot more to it and a lot I have to process yet, but for now I am focusing on the fact that faith is keeping my big behind out of the dirt :) Like I said, I'm still processing so ask me next week and the analogy may change ...
Since June 5th, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as a family and continue to be blessed by so many of you who continue to check-in on us and love on us. I think my best advice if you want to help someone through grief is to just be ok with the fact that they are not ok. The grief is real and ignoring it won’t make it go away and you can’t fix it. So just love that person. Tell them you’re sorry and you love them. Often times that is enough.
One of my favorite parts of this blog has been sharing stories that depict Metisha’s infectious spirit. And because Metisha’s spirit lives on in us, there’s a story about a baby in a tattoo parlor that ends with Mom and I both getting our first “ink” at 10:30 on a Saturday night. But I’ll save that for another post. Today’s story is all about Metisha. Before Metisha died, she and Mom were talking and Mom told her she wanted them to pick a sign that Metisha would give Mom after she died to let her know she is ok. Metisha picked a rainbow but Mom said that was too generic and she wanted something more special. The conversation moved on to something else and they never picked a different sign. Fast forward to the evening after Metisha’s Celebration Service in Fairview. I sat down at my parents table, looked out the picture window and saw this:
It was positioned perfectly in the picture window and was in the South instead of the West. We all ran outside and watched it grow across the sky and then fade away. It was Metisha saying hello and defying her mother’s orders one last time :)
I think when you battle cancer with a loved one for four years, you want to believe that you’ve already grieved so much that the grief after they’re gone will somehow be easier. But the reality is we spent the last four years grieving for Metisha and her loss and pain. And now we are grieving for ourselves and for our loss. We are happy her body is not poisoned with cancer anymore, but our pain now isn’t about her. Our pain now is about us. It’s about facing our lives without her here. It’s a different kind of pain than the pain of the last four years. And while we know it’s a pain that only time can heal and that God has promised us joy will come again, it feels like this season will never end.
There is a major lesson of faith that I am learning and processing as a result of Metisha’s journey: Faith is a constant balancing act. I know this isn’t a new revelation, but I think I’m just really beginning to grasp what that means and how that works. For four years we balanced our faith and hope that God could physically heal Metisha against preparing ourselves for the reality that he may not. Now we are balancing the overwhelming grief we are feeling against the hope that God has promised joy will come again and the promise that this separation from Metisha is not permanent. I used to think that blind faith meant you ignored everything else and only focused on the good and that would somehow defeat the bad. But I don’t think faith necessarily overcomes the bad. Faith gives us hope despite the bad. It looks like a teeter totter. There is the despair of this world on one end and the promises from faith on the other. If all you have is the despair, you are sitting on the ground. But with faith on the other end, you get off the ground and find some balance. I know there is a lot more to it and a lot I have to process yet, but for now I am focusing on the fact that faith is keeping my big behind out of the dirt :) Like I said, I'm still processing so ask me next week and the analogy may change ...
Since June 5th, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as a family and continue to be blessed by so many of you who continue to check-in on us and love on us. I think my best advice if you want to help someone through grief is to just be ok with the fact that they are not ok. The grief is real and ignoring it won’t make it go away and you can’t fix it. So just love that person. Tell them you’re sorry and you love them. Often times that is enough.
One of my favorite parts of this blog has been sharing stories that depict Metisha’s infectious spirit. And because Metisha’s spirit lives on in us, there’s a story about a baby in a tattoo parlor that ends with Mom and I both getting our first “ink” at 10:30 on a Saturday night. But I’ll save that for another post. Today’s story is all about Metisha. Before Metisha died, she and Mom were talking and Mom told her she wanted them to pick a sign that Metisha would give Mom after she died to let her know she is ok. Metisha picked a rainbow but Mom said that was too generic and she wanted something more special. The conversation moved on to something else and they never picked a different sign. Fast forward to the evening after Metisha’s Celebration Service in Fairview. I sat down at my parents table, looked out the picture window and saw this:
So I will end this post where we started, at Metisha’s birthday. Happy Birthday Metisha! We love you. We miss you more than hearts can comprehend. We will celebrate you tonight as a family and make a toast to you with friends. Then we will send some balloons up to you. Oh, and I had a breakfast donut in your honor because I know that’s how you would have started your day ;)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Metisha Ann Ewbank Welsh
Metisha Ann Welsh received her heavenly healing from cancer in the early morning hours of June 5th, 2011. She fought a courageous four year battle. Throughout the journey she showed her friends and family what it means to be a Christ like warrior. She never gave up on her hope in God and the destination that awaited regardless of the final outcome. Her incredible joy and love for life, family and friends never quit and spread as a contagious hope to the many who walked the path with her.
Despite the illness of cancer, Metisha continued to live a full life and enjoyed her favorite activities of camping, four wheeling and marveling at the night stars as they brightly shined at the Cedar Springs Ewbank Family Farm, mountain biking with her husband Mark, relaxing on the beaches of Mexico, breathing in the mountain air of Red River New Mexico and experiencing the wonders of Christmas at Disney World.
Metisha married Mark Welsh at their paradise wedding in Jamaica on July 8th, 2000 and hand in hand with their love and a Godly commitment to each other, they fought the battle together.
Metisha enjoyed people and never met a stranger. Her family often joked she could visit with a wall. Her love for people was a special gift from God. With this gift she was called to be a 5th grade teacher in the Forth Worth school district. She used her creativity in the classroom making up silly songs and riddles to help her children learn. She invested love in each of her students by teaching them important characteristics like compassion, acceptance and love for life. Her goal was always to challenge her kids to do their best and further their education so they could go far as they dreamed and that they could achieve whatever they believed.
She knew heaven was for real when she arrived and was greeted first by her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then a joyous and a happy Granny Darlene Ewbank, Grandpa Edwin Karber and Grandpa Joe Woodman and a number of family and friends.
She will be greatly missed by her husband Mark, parents Danny and Barbara Ewbank, sister and brother-in-law Regan and Jeremy Unruh, niece Emmory Tisha Unruh, Mark’s parents Lyle and Ann Welsh and sister Kaley Welsh, grandparents Wade and Jean Ewbank, Edna Karber and Leona Woodman and many uncles and aunts, cousins and friends.
She entered this world on July 28th, 1977 and departed on June 5th, 2011.
A Celebration of Life Service will be held Thursday, June 9th at 2 pm at the Fairview M.B. Church.
In lieu of flowers, memorials can be made to the North Texas Humane Society at:
HSNT Humane Society of North Texas
1840 E Lancaster Ave
Forth Worth, TX 76104
Despite the illness of cancer, Metisha continued to live a full life and enjoyed her favorite activities of camping, four wheeling and marveling at the night stars as they brightly shined at the Cedar Springs Ewbank Family Farm, mountain biking with her husband Mark, relaxing on the beaches of Mexico, breathing in the mountain air of Red River New Mexico and experiencing the wonders of Christmas at Disney World.
Metisha married Mark Welsh at their paradise wedding in Jamaica on July 8th, 2000 and hand in hand with their love and a Godly commitment to each other, they fought the battle together.
Metisha enjoyed people and never met a stranger. Her family often joked she could visit with a wall. Her love for people was a special gift from God. With this gift she was called to be a 5th grade teacher in the Forth Worth school district. She used her creativity in the classroom making up silly songs and riddles to help her children learn. She invested love in each of her students by teaching them important characteristics like compassion, acceptance and love for life. Her goal was always to challenge her kids to do their best and further their education so they could go far as they dreamed and that they could achieve whatever they believed.
She knew heaven was for real when she arrived and was greeted first by her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then a joyous and a happy Granny Darlene Ewbank, Grandpa Edwin Karber and Grandpa Joe Woodman and a number of family and friends.
She will be greatly missed by her husband Mark, parents Danny and Barbara Ewbank, sister and brother-in-law Regan and Jeremy Unruh, niece Emmory Tisha Unruh, Mark’s parents Lyle and Ann Welsh and sister Kaley Welsh, grandparents Wade and Jean Ewbank, Edna Karber and Leona Woodman and many uncles and aunts, cousins and friends.
She entered this world on July 28th, 1977 and departed on June 5th, 2011.
A Celebration of Life Service will be held Thursday, June 9th at 2 pm at the Fairview M.B. Church.
In lieu of flowers, memorials can be made to the North Texas Humane Society at:
HSNT Humane Society of North Texas
1840 E Lancaster Ave
Forth Worth, TX 76104
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
